April 13, 1997 (Day 25 – milepoint 234.3 – Davenport Gap/Mountain Mama’s)

Holy cold! I hiked with Small World today – early 20′s from Illinois whose hiking partner, Devin, is off the trail nursing an injury. Hope to have him back soon. Small World introduced me to the term “rime” today, not the poetry kind, but as it relates to a natural occurrence very similar to frost. A very thick fog lingered overnight and when the temperature dropped, it froze and crystallized the fog, which then attached itself to every tree, bush, and plant in the forest. Made for a beautiful scene.

Rime frost

Great hiking with a female.

Small World and I arrived at Davenport Gap, the northern terminus of Great Smoky Mountains National Park. We planned to visit a place called Mountain Mama’s for cheeseburgers and I was sure I remembered the guidebook saying “left 2.5 miles” so I didn’t bother pulling it out and Small World just blindly trusted me.

After a mile or so walking and talking, we heard a truck coming up the road. “Great, a ride,” we thought. Our thumbs went up, the truck stopped, and a woman poked her head out the window and said in a sharp Southern-mountain twang, “Whar d’y'all think yer goin’?”

I, in my flat Midwestern tone, replied, “We’re hoping to get to Mountain Mama’s just up the road here.”

She said, “Mountain Mama’s? Well, yer plum goin’ the wrong way. Its on back that away 2 miles.” (Ugh) “I’m on my way to church, but I reckon it’d be my good deed fer the day to take you folks back there. Hop on in the back!”

Mountain Mama’s Kuntry Store:

“We haz Ice and Fire-wud.”

“Eat ice cream! It’s good and we need the money.”

A man with enormous lamb chops was attaching old license plates to a white trailer and washing it. A large multi-colored Totem pole stood outside. We went inside, I removed my warm gloves and hat, and proceeded to eat a huge double cheeseburger, a chili dog with the works, and two enormous scoops of ice cream. I was still hungry, but decided to catch a shower and find my bunk for the night.

Sleeping quarters are two very small shack-like structures with six bunks in each. I chose the baby blue “Hilton” over the pink “Honeymoon Suite,” joined by Small World, Big Bird, Aunt Marty, and Skydiver. Skydiver (about 60 years old) got his name by falling 9 feet out of a bunk at a place called the Blueberry Patch in Hiawassee, GA. He snagged a low bunk tonight.

Support your local economy – eat ice cream!

Aquaholic

April 13, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

Today was a low mood day. Got a little bit of work done, but not much. Went for a walk in the afternoon. Played an evening soccer game. Came home and just relaxed.

April 12, 1997 (Day 24 – milepoint 218.5 – Tri-Corner Knob Shelter)

A profound thanks to Kathy and John for an enjoyable, kind, humbling, unexpected three days off the trail. My ride back to Newfound Gap in the morning, courtesy of Toronto Canadian Sharon (fellow UT grad student with Kathy) consisted of intelligent conversation and a banana. My welcome back to the trail consisted of rain.

I saw three people all day. Highlight of the day was Charlie’s Bunion: an exposed area of rock cliffs with an expansive view, which, as I stood there, was engulfed in continuously rising and falling clouds. At times, you couldn’t see ten feet away, but then a cloud would sweep away and you could see for 10 miles. It was magnificent!

The Tri-Corner Knob shelter is almost full. I made it in just before dark and was greeted warmly by thru-hikers Big Bird, Small World, and Yote. A few spoonfuls of crunchy peanut butter, a few slices of pepperoni, and I lay at the edge of comfortable numbness.

Aquaholic

April 12, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

Today is Easter, the springtime fertility holiday, when we honor the resurrection of who is arguably the most compelling biblical character alive – the Easter Bunny…

The idea of the resurrection really struck me today. I feel like I am experiencing one in a way, like a part of me died and another part of me is coming back to life. I made sacrifices that resulted in the death of an important part of my identity, which I surrendered to and have been mourning for a while, and now I am accepting, starting to forgive and feel gratitude, and I am raising my inner awareness, waking up, and moving toward a new form of sustainable freedom…not the freedom you have hiking the AT in ’97, but a freedom that honors the nature of my life today.

I am winning some battles and losing some, but my faith is returning bit by bit, and though I’m still carrying too much weight, this is a good path.

O’

April 11, 1997 (Off-trail visit – Knoxville, Tennessee)

Enjoyed my final day at Camp Koinonia and made it back to John and Kathy’s in Knoxville this afternoon. Back to the trail tomorrow.

My assessment of Camp Koinonia:

Students: most arrived at camp probably somewhat naive and very nervous, gave 100% of themselves to about 100 diversely disabled children and received 1000% back in return (oh yeah, and three college credits).

Campers: most enjoyed activities that they would otherwise never experience. They made new friends, gained confidence, found very positive role models, and most importantly, had some fun.

Me: I found perspective and inspiration from a little girl with total disability, whose only form of communication is a smile. From a boy with Down Syndrome who found the courage to ask a girl to the final night’s dance and who, after she accepted, strutted his stuff back to a table of cheering, high-fiving peers. And from a blind girl who called me “Stinky Feet,” but determined that I was still worthy of a hug and a kiss.

Before Camp Koinonia: I worried about the pains in my feet and muscles after walking 15 miles with a 50 lb. pack on my back. I worried that I might run out of food or fuel before my next mail drop, or that it might rain, or that I’d be bummed if there was no view at the top of the next mountain.

After Camp Koinonia: I am grateful that I can stand and walk without assistance. I am grateful that I can feed myself without assistance. I am grateful that I can see the colors, hear the music, and smell the roses. And I am grateful that I can tell the people I love that I do.

I’m just happy to be alive and to breathe.

Aquaholic

April 11, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

This morning I went skiing for a couple of hours and had a peculiar experience.

I got emotional.

Last night I applied for a position with the American Cancer Society – Online Marketing Strategy. Working with a cause-related organization really strikes me as an exciting opportunity.

Fast forward to this morning. While riding up the lift, I was thinking about creative ways to promote the fight against cancer and started to envision a series of inspiring messages, in particular a scene of an emotional interaction between a parent-child… and I started crying. I was crying. I got off the lift, wiped my eyes dry, skied violently down the mountain, got back on the lift, and balled my eyes out again. And then it happened a third time.

My thoughts were not uncommon, but the fact that my emotion overwhelmed me was. I don’t cry very often and I have nothing intelligent to say about the fact that I did today. It was just peculiar.

O’

April, 10, 1997 (Day 22 – Off the Trail at Camp Koinonia, Tennessee)

I can’t write today, too much to process. Just sitting and thinking.

Aquaholic

April 10, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

In February, for the first time in my life, I applied for unemployment benefits. I’ve always held a certain amount of pride for not having to or not choosing to collect unemployment at other times in my life, but now I figure every little bit would help while I worked out what to do next.

So I applied and was accepted. Just over $400 a week after taxes. Nothing impressive considering our circumstances, but something. I received one week’s worth of benefits and then I received a letter in the mail from the state employment office saying that I had been disqualified from receiving benefits because, as my employer indicated on the form, I “did not meet job performance requirements.”

I appealed the ruling, went to a scheduled hearing last week, pleaded my case, and received a letter this morning saying I was again denied.

The job performance requirements in question were my sales goal of $$,$$$ per month and the standard of establishing X new contacts per week within a particular industry we were targeting. The last six months in 2008 were something of a challenge for closing new business. Regardless of the economy, we had to generate revenue to stay in business, just like everyone else. I generated the lion’s share of the sales we did close during that period, but I did not consistently reach my goals. I also could not confirm that I met my weekly contacts quota. And there you have the grounds for my disqualification of benefits.

I was at fault. That’s how it works.

So I spent most of the morning with a big lump in my throat. Then I went for a mountain bike ride and coughed it up. I feel better now.

O’

Purging a throat-lump on the climb through Apple Valley...

April 9, 1997 (Off-Trail visit to Camp Koinonia, Tennessee)

I woke to the sounds and smells of egg-battered bread and sizzling bacon. The only thing better than the hearing and the smelling was the tasting. As I stuffed myself, John shared their plans for me.

Kathy, a grad student at University of Tennessee in Therapeutic Recreation, has been at camp all week 100 miles west in Crossville, Tennessee. The camp, known as Camp Koinonia, for people with “severe disabilities,” is facilitated by 150 graduate and undergraduate students from UT. The 100 campers range in age from 6-22 and disabilities include mental retardation, muscular distrophy, spina bifida, cerebral palsy, deafness, blindness, autism, and various others worth mentioning. I had no idea I would be doing this, but I am completely open to the experience.

A ride was arranged and I traveled to camp with the wife of the camp director and Tory (a student in the class and UT football player). We arrived around lunch time and I’ve been made to feel very welcome here. I am free to explore camp and to watch and participate when I wish.

I went out in search of Kathy. As soon as I spotted a group of people wearing their clothes backward and singing alligator songs, I knew I had found her.

Camp activities include cooking, nature crafts, music and movement, horseback riding, outdoor education, canoeing, computers, sports and games, and overnight camping. Each student is assigned a camper and is responsible for that camper 24 hours a day. For some, that responsibility is HUGE! But all seem to be challenged.

They’re treating me like a part of the camp already so I’ve volunteered to help serve meals and clean up afterward. It’s been a good way to meet people and earn my keep. Best of all, they said I could eat as much as I want, so maybe I’ll gain back some of the 10 lbs I’ve lost since I started hiking.

After only a few hours, I’m already very affected by this place.

Aquaholic

April 9, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

There is a shift in consciousness happening. I’ve been feeling it for a while. A lot of people seem to be talking about making changes in their lives. I’m not the only one looking in the mirror and asking questions about my past, present, and future. I’m not the only one looking out at the world asking how I can make an authentic impact and affect positive change.

People are changing their expectations of themselves, their neighbors, and the global community. For almost a decade people have been running away from fear and the result is a planet loaded down with karmic weight. Under fear is not a sustainable way to exist.

The shift appears to be moving back toward a genuine pursuit of happiness. People seem to be more conscious of the laws of cause and effect. That we reap what we sow. That good begets good. People are more conscious about the sometimes harsh laws of nature and reality. That if we act with ignorance, even if we have good intentions, our path to happiness will be long and painful. The result is that more people – more than I have witnessed in a long time – are truly paying attention and making different choices.

It is no coincidence that our country recently elected a president whose message was “Vote for Change.” That message is summed up pretty well in this video:

Yes, our President is black. No, actually he is milano – black father, white mother. No, actually he is simply an American.

I’m still not heavy into politics but I think he is an amazing human being and we are very lucky to have him in that position. People are walking around now with a genuine sense of hope. The energy around the world has shifted from pessimism to optimism. From anger to exhilaration.

On that note, but in a local-here-and-now tone, I noticed a subtle change in me today. A sign that I am making some positive emotional progress. The boys and I made cookies this evening. Eight great big beautiful chocolate chip cookies!

When they came out of the oven, I did something I would not have done as recently as a week ago. I set aside two for my soon-to-be ex-wife.

O’

April 8, 1997 (Day 20 – milepoint 202.9 – Newfound Gap)

Got to walking a little before sunrise so I could make it to the highest point on the AT – Clingman’s Dome, elev 6643′ – and have it to myself for a little while before any tourists showed up. It worked out very well but the wind and cold on the tower forced me to eat my breakfast down below under the cover of the conifer forest. While I was eating, I suddenly realized that this was the place I visited when I was 10 and heard about the AT for the first time. Kinda neat.

I moved swiftly and comfortably through the morning and made it to the road crossing at Newfound Gap at mid-day. On the other side of the road I came upon a guy by the name of Scott Underwood, smiling and welcoming me with a healthy dose of trail magic, coolers full of pop and fresh fruit, which he sponsors along with two former thru-hikers White Pine and Jokers Wild. He had a scale (I’ve lost 10 lbs, better be careful) and a welcome sign that read “only 1,960 miles to go.”

We enjoyed a good chat and when I told him I was planning to hitch a ride to Gatlinburg to meet up with some friends for a couple of days, Scott offered to take me himself. Nice drive down the mountain to Gatlinburg and Scott even joined me for pizza and beer at the Smoky Mountain Brewery. Good food. Good drink. Good company. Checked into the Grand Prix Motel and called my good friends Kathy and John who live in Knoxville. Had to leave them a message but the phone in my room rang around 9:00 PM, it was John, he said he was on his way to pick me up and that I’ll be going to visit Kathy at camp tomorrow … Camp?

Aquaholic

April 8, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

I applied for a job today at Vail Resorts – Director of Online Marketing. I know you would wonder how the hell I evolved to be going after such a job, but my experience is applicable and I fit the criteria for the position. Realistically, though, it is a long shot considering the extremely deep pool of professional talent out there right now.

The key message here is that I’m going after opportunities that combine adventure travel with marketing. This is where many of my passions are and it feels like a sustainable path that could lead to a variety of interesting successes, opportunities, and new adventures.

I am properly pulling useful information from the center of my heart and moving it directly to the top of my mind. I am conscious of the connection wherever I go. I am noticing things I was not noticing before. Drawn to things I was not drawn to before.

I’m walking a good path.

The karmic weight continues to shed, little by little.

O’

April 7, 1997 (Day 19 – milepoint 192.1 – Double Spring Gap Shelter)

“Spring Forward”

The numbers in time mean little at all,
The concern is night and day.
I don’t even care which day it is
Or month – March, June, or May.

Life is simple on a wooded trail.
You walk, sleep, drink, and eat.
Looking forward to seeing the beautiful sights,
And the quirky people you’ll meet.

The best of it is time with Self,
You’ll learn a thing or two.
Don’t pinch yourself for dreaming,
It might be coming true.

-Aquaholic 4/7/97

April 7, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

Today I felt a shift in the energy I have toward my wife. I started to feel a stronger desire to focus on gratitude rather than my pain. Our connection was no accident. We’ve had many very good times together and we share a great love that will live far beyond our pain.

Gratitude is a better feeling than resentment. It’s healthier and much lighter to carry.

I don’t have much more to say about it yet. I just needed to open the door on the topic with you because it is now open in me, and I’m ready to start exercising it.

O’

April 6, 1997 (Day 18 – milepoint 178.6 – Spence Field Shelter)

Someone told me to set my watch forward this morning, so I did, and then I had a good laugh because it seemed like a waste of time. I’ve barely looked at it.

Ahh, sending my watch home… to lighten the load of time…

I was up and walking at sunrise, excited to enter Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Through rain and fog, purple lightning (yes purple lightening) added layers and mass to the misty morning shadows. That was a unique experience. The rain was actually very pleasant while walking uphill for six miles from Fontana Dam. Once I was certain the lightning had passed, I enjoyed a great view from the fire tower at the summit of Shuckstack Mountain. No question about why these are called the Smoky Mountains. A combination of low clouds, mist, and fog filled the air. So beautiful and alive.

As I approached Mollie’s Ridge Shelter (mile 173.5) for a lunch break, the smell of sausage filled the air. My entire body reacted to the scent and it was a struggle to hide the ravenous beast in me as I introduced myself to two very lively couples traveling the trail on horseback, all members of the Smoky Mountain Trail Riders Club. They fed me, but that is only one of the reasons I liked them so much. The men were boasting about the days when they used to chase women. Their wives just shook their heads and smiled. After a few minutes, one of them turned to me and said, “We let them talk all they want because we know better. Heck, our dogs chase cars all day long with no clue how to drive one…”

Stopped for the night at Spence Field Shelter. I actually have the shelter all to myself. This is rare. No complaints. Took a short nap when I arrived and woke up a little before dusk feeling woozy. I had to get up and walk around a bit before I finally realized it was those sausage patties. Nothing a trip to the privy couldn’t handle…

15.5 miles today felt very good. I’m really grooving, physically. I feel like my body has adjusted itself to trail life. I’m confident in my ability to survive and thrive out here. Hmm, 18 days. I wonder what other people are experiencing?

It is remarkable how efficiently the body processes everything you do to it when you’re moving eight to ten hours a day. Converting every usable calorie into energy and very quickly disposing of that which does not serve the effort. I wake up refreshed and energized each morning no matter how worn out I am the day before. Loving this feeling while still holding space for humility and respect.

The weather cleared and offered a very pink sunset. I would have to qualify this as one of the most peaceful evenings of my life.

Aquaholic

April 6, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

A friend asked me today about what it might be like to hike the AT with his son. I’ve often pondered the same question. Assuming either or both of my boys would want to do it, I think it would be an amazing experience.

You would have to consider several key factors. Every single hiker will be challenged physically, emotionally, and mentally. Guaranteed. You also have to consider time, money, and “whose idea is this anyway?”

Obviously, every person is different, as is every parent-child relationship, but here are a few thoughts.

The AT is a rigorous test of endurance for the first two months. Eases up for two months, then hammers you again for two months. It is difficult to imagine a person younger than 15 or 16 being able to sustain the mental challenge of a full thru-hike. It also seems to me that the physical pounding could be an issue if the child is still growing a lot. School schedules are an issue, too. That can be overcome by doing the trail in sections, such as two months at a time over three summers.

At any age, walking in the woods for six months will serve as an invaluable contemplative segue into the rest of one’s life. As a parent-child adventure, I would first look at two key time periods: post high school (18-ish) or post college (22-ish). Beyond that age, it really depends a lot on the parent’s state of health. I’ll be 51 when my younger son turns 18 – very doable.

Physically, the kids have the advantage of youth and invincibility, but younger hikers tend to push their boundaries further and take unnecessary risks. We adults have a more intimate awareness of our limits. What physical prowess we have lost over the years, we make up for in mental endurance and a painfully reduced ego.

The emotional factor is split. We adults should benefit from emotional maturity. But while the kids may not have as many emotional coping tools at their disposal, they may benefit by having fewer emotional triggers. Of course, this is all speculative.

I spent around $6,000-$7,000 on my hike in ’97. I could easily have spent less if I chose to. More was not an option at that time. Without having done any research into this, I would imagine spending $10,000-$12,000 in this day and age… per person. Could spend less or more depending…

I think the biggest factor to consider in regard to hiking the AT with your child is that he or she must have an intrinsic desire to go on this journey. You will both spend a lot of time alone with your own thoughts. Your inner voice must be supportive of where you are and what you are doing. In a way, you have to share a mutually selfish journey.

While I won’t try to push my kids into hiking the AT with me, they’ll know they won’t have to twist my rubber arms to go with them.

O’