April 28, 1997 (Day 40 – milepoint 424.3 – Iron Mountain Shelter)

40 days and 40 nights completed…seeing god regularly…

Bleach seems to be doing the trick for my drinking water so far, but it doesn’t taste very good.

A privy poem:

I sit here and wonder
In this privy, making thunder,
Impatient, will there be any more?
I have to hit the Trail
Into town to get my mail,
And Ben and Jerry’s ice cream at the store.

We’re 26 miles from the town of Damascus. Easy Chair has talked me into doing the marathon trek into town tomorrow. I keep hearing this voice, something about being a moron…

Aquaholic

April 28, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

Ugh. In January after I lost my job, I reluctantly applied for unemployment benefits. I was initially approved and received one week’s payment (minus taxes), about $410, which I used to pay a portion of my family’s health insurance for the month. Soon after, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had been disqualified from receiving benefits for being “at fault” for my job loss. I appealed thinking they would see the reality of the challenges our company was facing (as was much of the business world), and that it was simply a reduction in workforce. I was surprised when my appeal was denied and am still grappling with confusion over it.

But the worst of it came in a letter today from the Colorado Department of Labor and Employment – a “Notice of Overpayment of Benefits” – requesting that I return the initial week’s benefit payment immediately. Interestingly, though I only received the post tax amount of about $410, I am required to pay back the total amount before taxes were removed, $475, resulting in a net loss.

It’s ironic, unemployment insurance benefits are supposed to put you at ease and support you as you transition into your next job. But the truth is, I’d be financially (and emotionally) better off right now if I had never applied for unemployment.

Need to find a way to make tomorrow a better day.

O’

April 27, 1997 (Day 39 – milepoint 411.2 – Watauga Lake Shelter)

Highlight of the day – A spontaneous hitch into Hampton, TN with Easy Chair and Guggenheimer for a few extra snacks before the big push to Damascus, VA. No problem getting a ride to the Texaco Food Mart, which, to our pleasant surprise, also had a Subway! The women working there watched wide-eyed as we feasted on subs, ice cream, chips, cookies, and beef jerky.

We grabbed another sub each for the road and within minutes a red pick-up welcomed us into the rear cab. A rescue-squad volunteer, his wife and little girl took us out of their way to get us back to the trail. With very full bellies, we were very happy that the shelter was only 1.5 miles from the road.

I never thought I would classify 16 miles as an easy day, but after yesterday’s horrendous 22, today was a breeze.

Still, no matter what the mileage, each day seems like three. So much to see. So many thoughts providing great internal entertainment. Sure beats a television.

Aquaholic

April 27, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

I feel like I need to start digging a little deeper into some issues. Unconsciously, I’ve been protecting you a bit from the accumulative reality of what I have created in my life, essentially by trying to balance the negative with a bunch of positive so as not to be a drag.

Perhaps I’ve been protecting myself a bit, too. One of the scary things about this blog is that it is open to the public and very personal. Are my circumstances and feelings much different than what many other people are dealing with in this day and age? Perhaps not. Do they reveal things about my character that make me uncomfortable knowing that certain people will read this thing? Most certainly. Yesterday I talked about depression – am I putting potential job opportunities at risk by exposing myself like this? It is very possible.

I need to accept that I will be judged through this. Hell, I’m judging myself. But perhaps that is healthy and functional to a point. Perhaps it is even necessary.

You are my trusted audience. I serve you so that you may serve me. The magic and the meat reside in the truth of the journey. That is what you deserve.

O’

April 26, 1997 (Day 38 – milepoint 394.8 – Moreland Gap Shelter)

Highlight of the day: A magical little valley filled with apple trees, dogwoods, and honeysuckle. Numerous piles of rocks scattered everywhere, making it look like an old graveyard. Maybe an old Native American burial ground? Definitely one of the most beautiful spots so far. I spent about an hour there, doing nothing.

Now I’m laying in my tent feeling more tired than any other day so far. I got ambitious and thought it might be a good day to cover a few extra miles since the profile map indicated pretty mild terrain with no big climbs.

The profile map was misleading.

When I stumbled up to the shelter, I declared my love for everyone in it, removed my pack, set up my tent, crawled in, and moaned for a while. I could have stopped a few miles back when my feet said stop, but my lazy, stubborn ego wanted the miles and the shelter.

Papa Smurf, cozy and comfortable in his sleeping back, summed things up by saying, “Do you know why the moron continuously beat himself over the head with a hammer? Because it felt so good when he stopped.” I’m too tired to care that he just called me a moron.

Aquaholic

April 26, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

The other day, Kai said to one of his friends, “I’m glad my mom and dad are getting a divorce. They’ll stop arguing and I’ll have more space for my Legos.”

I know my divorce is probably a good thing for both me and Sharon in the long run, but I am still traumatized by it. It is an emotional roller coaster ride. Our initial divorce paperwork has been submitted, so being truly in the process has both a positive and negative affect on me from day to day.

Therapy has been helpful, but, twice now, my therapist has suggested I speak with my doctor about depression. I went once and was sent home with fish oil, packed with brain-healthy Omega 3 fatty acids, which I must say made a difference. I felt more solid inside my head. But, it hasn’t been a cure all and some days I still get paralyzed by all of the emotional weight.

I need to be able to keep tackling all of this somehow. I need to be able to maintain focus. So, reluctant, but curious, I have another appointment tomorrow.

O’

April 25, 1997 (Day 37 – milepoint 372.9 – Overmountain Shelter)

Awakened by owls and woodpeckers and fueled by oatmeal and Poptarts, joined Small World (22, from Illinois) for the day and we spent the morning on the big climb up Roan Mountain, elev. 6275. Tough, steep, and covered in snow, but an acceptable reward of panoramic views on top.

We encountered some great trail magic on the back side of the mountain. Two older couples, the Hunters and the Granthams, all professors at Western Carolina University, fed us crackers and eight bottles of cranberry juice in a variety of flavors. Why they felt we could use so much cranberrry juice is beyond me, but we forced them down, so as not to be rude, and spent the rest of the afternoon making pit stops.

We finally made it to Overmountain Shelter, an old renovated barn overlooking a very beautiful valley. The movie “Winter People” was filmed here. I was originally going to go further today, but this place is just too cool to leave.

Aquaholic

April 25, 2005

Hey Aquaholic,

I’m getting back to thinking outside the box in terms of how I can apply myself. I’m inspired by people who create and express themselves in unique ways. Bold originality, like this guy:

April 24, 1997 (Day 36 – milepoint 361.5 – Clyde Smith Shelter)

Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream for breakfast and caught a ride into town to do laundry, grocery store, and post office.

I sent home my water purifier. Going to give bleach a try. 1-2 drops per quart and much lighter to carry. Only time will tell if that was a good decision or not.

My trekking poles are falling apart so I called Leki for repair advice and they’re sending me a brand new pair in Damascus, VA. Didn’t expect that.

I decided to try to hitch a ride up to Iron Mountain Gap today instead of waiting for Kampfire to take me tomorrow. I didn’t want to spend any more money at the campground and I was very much ready to get moving again. Kampfire predicted that I wouldn’t get a ride and that I’d end up camping on the side of the road, but he wished me luck anyway. Boy was he wrong. I was at Iron Mountain Gap within an hour, getting rides from four different people. Two others, going in the other direction, stopped just to say hello. Hitchhiking today was fun, and I feel heightened by the kindness of strangers. Tenting behind the shelter. A lone wolf howls in the distance.

Aquaholic

April 24, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

Patience is everything. Not much else to say today.

O’

April 23, 1997 (Day 35 – milepoint 336.6 – Nolichucky Campground)

A fellow who goes by the name of Kampfire has been offering shuttles into town for hikers and has also been dropping folks off at different spots along the trail so they can slackpack (hiking without a pack). Kampfire was in town offering rides this morning, so I, along with Easy Chair, Fruitcake, Footprint, and Snoop, decided to take advantage of the rare slackpack opportunity.

We first stopped for breakfast at the Elm Restaurant in Erwin, where today’s special was all-you-can-eat biscuits and gravy for 94 cents! With a cup of hot chocolate my total breakfast bill was $1.73 and I did not leave hungry.

Kampfire dropped us off 19 miles north of town in a cold rain. After he drove away, we all had a brief chuckle about the fact that, with only food and water and no gear, there would be no option to cut the day short if we got tired or injured. It was 19 miles or bust!

But like I said, we “chuckled” about it. With a light, playful energy, we each set off at our own pace. With minimal weight on my back, I moved quickly and comfortably. It was never a question of “if” I would make it back to the Nolichucky campground, but “how fast.” Despite the fact that I was colder than any other day so far, especially without my pack against my body, the hiking was easy, and I made it back with Easy Chair in about 5 hours. Returned to a hot shower, about 2500 calories for dinner, ice cream to wash it all down, and crashed early.

Aquaholic

April 23, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

A potent dose of perspective is running through my veins today. I have two close friends who are dealing with some challenges relating to their children’s health.

One friend has triplets (three boys), and as if that wasn’t challenging enough, one of the boys was just diagnosed with Autism.

The other friend has an eight year old son who is showing signs of growing and maturing into puberty too early. This may be the result of a condition called “precocious puberty,” which can be physically and emotionally difficult for kids and can sometimes be the sign of an underlying health problem.

It appears there are some effective treatments and good support for both of these situations, and I admire my friends for tackling things as well as can be expected, but I really sense the feeling of helplessness in both of them. To be uncertain about your child’s health is enormously stressful.

My kids’ health are not in question. I am very thankful for that and I feel a high level of compassion for my friends.

Like Dad says when we discuss life’s challenges, “Are the kids safe? Are they secure? Are they happy? That’s your gauge. Make your decisions accordingly.”

O’

April 22, 1997 (Day 34 – milepoint 336.6 – Erwin, TN)

Conditions a little better than yesterday and I’m in no hurry with only 6 miles to the Nolichucky River near Erwin, TN. I crossed a bridge over the river and walked the trail another mile downstream to the Nolichucky Campground, which is right next to two rafting companies. As I walked by, there were some guide-type folks loading rafts and kayaks on top of a van. Man oh man, I really loved my days as a river guide…

I removed my pack and sat debating about whether I wanted to spend the $10 to stay in the hostel. Someone handed me a beer.

After a few minutes, I decided to go and be social with the group of guides. Turns out most of them are down visiting from the New River Gorge in WV where I used to work. They asked me if I wanted to join them and I suddenly found myself with all of my warm clothes on, crammed in the back of a van with about ten strangers. They weren’t strangers for long as we had a lot in common. One girl thru-hiked the AT in 1994 and we all had good river stories to exchange. They loaned me a life jacket, paddle, and a helmet and we enjoyed the class III river in a couple of rafts and 3 people in kayaks. I was itching to be in a kayak, but beggars can’t be choosers, and it was a treat just to be on the water.

After the trip, I informed them of my commitment to the Pizza Hut in Erwin and they thought that sounded pretty good as well. Three trips to the salad bar and a medium Pan Pizza with extra sauce and extra pepperoni had me satisfied for the evening. They invited me to stay with them at the Crocket Cabin, a bunk-filled cabin usually reserved for river guests, but which they were able to stay in, being employees and all. So I saved $10 afterall.

Aquaholic

April 22, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

A meaningful reminder about reason and passion from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet.

“Your soul is oftentimes the battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against your passion and your appetite.

Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in midseas.

For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.”

With reason, we rest. With passion, we move. Freedom and joy reside in the balance.

Passion + Reason = "Go there, but walk that section."

O’

April 21, 1997 (Day 33 – milepoint 330.6 – No Business Knob Shelter)

I’m cold. Everything I own is wet. I’M wet. And I’m tired. I overcooked my noodles and they’re stuck to the bottom of the pot. It just started hailing and the shelter I’m in has a tin roof. It’s so loud I’ve had to plug my ears. I followed what I thought were bear tracks for two miles today anxious for a sighting until I stepped in a pile of horse dung. I haven’t seen a single person since yesterday afternoon, and I’m alone in this shelter so there’s no one to whom I can express my grief. I’m miserable.

But that’s okay.

Aquaholic

April 21, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

My two favorite times of the year are still Spring and Autumn. The seasons of action and transition. I feel a higher level of passion in my heart and in my body during these periods. The explosion of new life and the reaping of the harvest stimulate my chemistry and catalyze my soul.

It is Springtime in Colorado. Lots of activity, quite unstable from day to day. 60 degrees and sunny today could easily turn to 30 with a snow blizzard tomorrow. It is interesting how my own internal weather patterns have been very similar lately.

I love and I dread the changing weather of this season. Perhaps that is what makes it so fulfilling.

O’

April 15, 1997 (Day 27 – milepoint 269.8 – Hot Springs, NC)

Strange encounter with a squirrel today. It stood on a branch in a tree next to the trail and made very loud chirping noises with an occasional violent throat contraction … I’d never heard a squirrel do that, but it is spring time so I figured there must be a female nearby and he was looking to wet the old willie.

I made it into Hot Springs, NC around 6:00 PM and was lucky to get the last room at Elmers Sunnybank Inn, a great big beautiful historic home built in 1840. $12 a night for hikers and I got my own room. I put my name on the board for dinner (vegetarian exclusive), got settled into my room, and then walked up the street to the convenience store for a cold beverage.

A truck parked outside had a bumper sticker on it that said, “Coonhunters for Christ.” While I was inside, a guy pulled up on a riding lawn mower, came in, bought some beer and some chewing tobacco, and rode away.

Back at the Inn, I joined 8 other thru-hikers on an upstairs porch for beer and social. Met Lone Wolf, who has been hiking the trail for about 12 years. He’s a walking guidebook and it seems the trail has been very good to him. He runs 50-mile ultra-marathons for fun.

Dinner was huge! Soup, salad, lasagna, and pecan pie. Best meal on the trail so far. So good, so much, I don’t have the energy to go get ice cream. I’ll get it first thing in the morning.

Aquaholic

Spring Creek Valley near Hot Springs, NC

April 14, 1997 (Day 26 – milepoint 255.2 – Roaring Forks Shelter)

Nine large pancakes for $3.00 and a $1.00 shuttle back to the trail. Hail Mountain Mama’s!

Davenport Gap marks the end of the Smokies. The 70 miles through the Park were my favorite so far.

I went 21 miles today and I can barely stay awake to write. The last 30 minutes of my hike was dark but with enough light from the half moon that I didn’t need my headlamp. I had plenty of energy today but my feet barked and whined incessantly for the last few miles. It looks like my daily-limiting factor will be how much I can stand the pain in my feet

I’m joined in the shelter by Lewis and Clark, Little Toe, and Stogie. These guys are insane! The only reason I’m still awake is because I can’t stop laughing.

Highlight of the day: Max Patch, a man-made bald at approximately 4600′ with the sun setting behind the Smokies.

Aquaholic

April 14, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

I have been reconnecting with people from all parts of my life on an interactive social networking website called Facebook. There are a lot of stories to tell about who I’ve connected with and how different people have evolved, but there is one in particular that has been especially enlightening for me.

There was this one girl in college at a party on a random winter evening. Strong connection that led to me walking her home. This girl and that night always occupied a place in me that I never resolved. (You know what I’m talking about.)

While walking her home I remember feeling good and hoping I would see her again. In a flash, things got hot and I’ve always felt it went too far and was frustrated that we did not exercise more restraint. She was crying as she went into her house, which surprised me and shook me up a bit. I had had enough to drink to question my judgment. I felt confused and guilty. I was in a position of trust walking her home and was terrified that I had broken it and possibly wronged her in some way. I was entirely disappointed with myself.

A day or two later she came to my dorm with friends to retrieve a garment or something I had of hers. I was too scared and immature to pull her aside and ask how she felt, if she was okay. In my guilt-ridden state, I sensed that her friends were with her to protect her. Having known them since childhood I felt I had broken their trust, too. I hoped that over time I would reconnect with this girl again but I never did…until a couple of months ago on Facebook, almost 20 years later.

We exchanged a couple of short notes and I then told her I was unresolved about our brief encounter. She welcomed the dialogue, so I took a deep breath and put it out there.

Her response: not a clear memory of the event, vague feelings of her own guilt and disappointment. No ill feelings toward me. Not then, not ever. Her friends were just there that day hanging out. She, in fact, really liked me. She never told anyone about the encounter. Come to think of it, neither did I.

So, the point I’m trying to make here is that I held onto this uncertainty, this little piece of unnecessary weight, for almost 20 years. It would have resolved itself painlessly if I just had the courage to ask if she felt okay. I know now that she was. And that she is.

And the weight is gone.

O’