April 21, 1997 (Day 33 – milepoint 330.6 – No Business Knob Shelter)
I’m cold. Everything I own is wet. I’M wet. And I’m tired. I overcooked my noodles and they’re stuck to the bottom of the pot. It just started hailing and the shelter I’m in has a tin roof. It’s so loud I’ve had to plug my ears. I followed what I thought were bear tracks for two miles today anxious for a sighting until I stepped in a pile of horse dung. I haven’t seen a single person since yesterday afternoon, and I’m alone in this shelter so there’s no one to whom I can express my grief. I’m miserable.
But that’s okay.
Aquaholic
April 21, 2009
Hey Aquaholic,
My two favorite times of the year are still Spring and Autumn. The seasons of action and transition. I feel a higher level of passion in my heart and in my body during these periods. The explosion of new life and the reaping of the harvest stimulate my chemistry and catalyze my soul.
It is Springtime in Colorado. Lots of activity, quite unstable from day to day. 60 degrees and sunny today could easily turn to 30 with a snow blizzard tomorrow. It is interesting how my own internal weather patterns have been very similar lately.
I love and I dread the changing weather of this season. Perhaps that is what makes it so fulfilling.
O’
April 20, 1997 (Day 32 – milepoint 316.8 – Campsite at Low Gap)
One month down, about 5 to go.
Nice weather today, about 60 degrees or so. Went a little over 20 miles and feeling strong. Hiked the last hour after dark, but an almost full-moon allowed me to walk a little further and I was able to set up my tent without using my headlamp. This is only my third night totally by myself. It’s very quiet.
Aquaholic
April 20, 2009
Hey Aquaholic,
I’ve been hell bent on this idea of “rediscovering my freedom,” but in some ways I feel the very act of seeking it is keeping me from finding it. I have a vision of some undefined moment in the future when the fog and the noise has cleared and I’m just sitting there with a tear of relief and contentment keeping me comfortable. I hope that moment is not too far in the future. Sometimes it feels like an eternity away.
To be completely honest, I’m confused and cluttered right now. I don’t know how anybody works their way through this much stress and heartache. My problems are affecting the people who care about me, the people who are reaching out to help me. I don’t have much to show them yet for their efforts and it is killing me.
“Get your divorce finalized…get a job any job…get a meaningful job…make sure you’re taking good care of your kids…get your finances in order…avoid bankruptcy and foreclosure at all costs and save your credit…or don’t because good credit is overrated… your employer screwed you on unemployment benefits, you should be pissed…don’t let your wife trigger your emotions…find a place to live…write proposals…network…always be ready with a clear, solid elevator pitch about who you are and what you do…read more…do more…take more action…don’t take no for an answer…”
Here’s my elevator pitch right now: I don’t know my ass from a hole in the wall. I deflect pity and criticism all day long. My future goal is to get through an entire day without feeling a deep pit in my stomach and a thick lump in my throat.
Pretty pathetic, huh? I understand what drives some people to drugs and alcohol. Some days it feels like there is just no other way to cope.
O’
April 19, 1997 (Day 31 – milepoint 296.1 – Jerry Cabin Shelter)
Saw two barred owls chasing each other from tree to tree this morning. Another sign of spring.
Mornings are still chilly. I’m finding that hiking in 40 degree weather in shorts and a t-shirt is very comfortable as long as you are moving. It also helps if you are walking uphill a lot, which was the case today.
Eight of us in this shelter tonight, packed snugly like sardines so we shouldn’t have a problem keeping warm. Not much else to say. Solid 16 miles today, feeling good and wishing my brother was here to share the feeling.
Aquaholic
April 19, 2009
Hey Aquaholic,
Although the few consulting projects I have right now are going very well, they are not enough to take care of my immediate daily/monthly financial responsibilities. And though I will continue to pursue like opportunities, I might be able to find harmony through a steady, uncomplicated job.
My heart remains open, but my practical mind needs to take the wheel for a while, and my ego is gonna need to pipe down in the back seat…
O’
April 18, 1997 (Day 30 – milepoint 280.7 – Spring Mountain Shelter)
After a delicious breakfast, I packed my gear and went to speak with Elmer, thanking him for such an enjoyable stay. He offered me the opportunity to be a part of his staff in the future, which felt like a real honor. I told him I would stay in touch and keep him posted on my plans (if any actually develop).
Before leaving town, I also paid a visit to Dan “Wingfoot” Bruce, the founder of Trail Place and the Thru-hikers Handbook, and who happens to live here in Hot Springs. We had a very nice chat and he shared with me all that’s happening with his great AT resources. He says he hopes to get a thru-hike in next year, which I believe will be his eighth, but which he refers to as “one continuous journey.” Needless to say, I left inspired and happy he was willing to take some time-out for a chat.
A quick stop by the Post Office to send my watch home then hit the trail late in the afternoon, my feet anxious to start hurting again. 10.9 miles to Spring Mountain Shelter, just after sunset. I pitched my tent up the hill and joined about 10 folks by the fire near the shelter. As I ate my dinner and chomped on some marshmallows, Heavenly Sunshine gave me a killer massage.
It’s good to be back in the woods.
Aquaholic
April 17, 1997 (Day 29 – milepoint 269.8 – Hot Springs, NC)
I was preparing to get back to walking again today, but Elmer asked me if I was interested in another day of work at the Inn. He didn’t have to ask twice. Along with Inn staff members Frank and Mun, we went up to a piece of property Elmer owns in the mountains about seven miles out of town. They plan to turn 5 out of the 14 acres into a huge garden from which they can obtain almost all of the food they need to feed their guests at the Inn. We spent the day with shovels, and rakes, and implements of destruction, digging and raking and establishing rows for planting. I don’t have much gardening experience but I learned a few things and enjoyed myself thoroughly.
Interesting folks, Frank and Mun. Frank, very quiet but open to discussion if engaged, spent about four years as a hobo, hopping trains and traveling around the US. “A cheap and exciting way to see the country,” he said, “you never knew where the next train would take you.” He spoke of the dangerous aspects of the lifestyle and of the cultural idiosyncrasies within the hobo community. He wrote about his experiences and said that there was a book somewhere. Boy, would I love to find a copy. Frank followed that experience with an extended trip to Thailand where he met Mun in a Buddhist temple. They eventually came back to the US and are Elmer’s only staff members this season.
Upper body very sore from the garden work. Turned in early, smothered with about 5 layers of thick blankets. I like this place so much that I am definitely moving on tomorrow.
Aquaholic
April 17, 2009
Hey Aquaholic,
Cool things happening around the world.
April 16, 1997 (Day 28 – milepoint 269.8 – Hot Springs, NC)
Picked up some Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream on my way to the Post Office this morning. Need more calories…
Grabbed my mail and headed back to Elmer’s to sort the goods. My Mom has been making sure all of my mail drops get to me on schedule, and she’s been spoiling me a bit, as there is a healthy supply of chocolate in this one. She also sent my Walkman with a few cassette tapes. John also sent me a package with a good load of calories and a few notes from friends in Boulder.
I offered my services to Elmer in exchange for my room and board and he promptly put me to work mowing the lawn. A challenging lawn to mow but I enjoyed myself and listened to music while I worked. When I finished, I joined everyone on the porch for more beer and social.
Another fabulous dinner: soup, salad, vegetable stir-fry, and pumpkin pie. Stayed up and watched the movie Easy Rider for the first time.
Aquaholic
April 16, 2009
Hey Aquaholic,
There are some interesting things happening in the world.
April 15, 1997 (Day 27 – milepoint 269.8 – Hot Springs, NC)
Strange encounter with a squirrel today. It stood on a branch in a tree next to the trail and made very loud chirping noises with an occasional violent throat contraction … I’d never heard a squirrel do that, but it is spring time so I figured there must be a female nearby and he was looking to wet the old willie.
I made it into Hot Springs, NC around 6:00 PM and was lucky to get the last room at Elmers Sunnybank Inn, a great big beautiful historic home built in 1840. $12 a night for hikers and I got my own room. I put my name on the board for dinner (vegetarian exclusive), got settled into my room, and then walked up the street to the convenience store for a cold beverage.
A truck parked outside had a bumper sticker on it that said, “Coonhunters for Christ.” While I was inside, a guy pulled up on a riding lawn mower, came in, bought some beer and some chewing tobacco, and rode away.
Back at the Inn, I joined 8 other thru-hikers on an upstairs porch for beer and social. Met Lone Wolf, who has been hiking the trail for about 12 years. He’s a walking guidebook and it seems the trail has been very good to him. He runs 50-mile ultra-marathons for fun.
Dinner was huge! Soup, salad, lasagna, and pecan pie. Best meal on the trail so far. So good, so much, I don’t have the energy to go get ice cream. I’ll get it first thing in the morning.
Aquaholic
Spring Creek Valley near Hot Springs, NC
April 14, 1997 (Day 26 – milepoint 255.2 – Roaring Forks Shelter)
Nine large pancakes for $3.00 and a $1.00 shuttle back to the trail. Hail Mountain Mama’s!
Davenport Gap marks the end of the Smokies. The 70 miles through the Park were my favorite so far.
I went 21 miles today and I can barely stay awake to write. The last 30 minutes of my hike was dark but with enough light from the half moon that I didn’t need my headlamp. I had plenty of energy today but my feet barked and whined incessantly for the last few miles. It looks like my daily-limiting factor will be how much I can stand the pain in my feet
I’m joined in the shelter by Lewis and Clark, Little Toe, and Stogie. These guys are insane! The only reason I’m still awake is because I can’t stop laughing.
Highlight of the day: Max Patch, a man-made bald at approximately 4600′ with the sun setting behind the Smokies.
Aquaholic
April 14, 2009
Hey Aquaholic,
I have been reconnecting with people from all parts of my life on an interactive social networking website called Facebook. There are a lot of stories to tell about who I’ve connected with and how different people have evolved, but there is one in particular that has been especially enlightening for me.
There was this one girl in college at a party on a random winter evening. Strong connection that led to me walking her home. This girl and that night always occupied a place in me that I never resolved. (You know what I’m talking about.)
While walking her home I remember feeling good and hoping I would see her again. In a flash, things got hot and I’ve always felt it went too far and was frustrated that we did not exercise more restraint. She was crying as she went into her house, which surprised me and shook me up a bit. I had had enough to drink to question my judgment. I felt confused and guilty. I was in a position of trust walking her home and was terrified that I had broken it and possibly wronged her in some way. I was entirely disappointed with myself.
A day or two later she came to my dorm with friends to retrieve a garment or something I had of hers. I was too scared and immature to pull her aside and ask how she felt, if she was okay. In my guilt-ridden state, I sensed that her friends were with her to protect her. Having known them since childhood I felt I had broken their trust, too. I hoped that over time I would reconnect with this girl again but I never did…until a couple of months ago on Facebook, almost 20 years later.
We exchanged a couple of short notes and I then told her I was unresolved about our brief encounter. She welcomed the dialogue, so I took a deep breath and put it out there.
Her response: not a clear memory of the event, vague feelings of her own guilt and disappointment. No ill feelings toward me. Not then, not ever. Her friends were just there that day hanging out. She, in fact, really liked me. She never told anyone about the encounter. Come to think of it, neither did I.
So, the point I’m trying to make here is that I held onto this uncertainty, this little piece of unnecessary weight, for almost 20 years. It would have resolved itself painlessly if I just had the courage to ask if she felt okay. I know now that she was. And that she is.
And the weight is gone.
O’
April 13, 1997 (Day 25 – milepoint 234.3 – Davenport Gap/Mountain Mama’s)
Holy cold! I hiked with Small World today – early 20’s from Illinois whose hiking partner, Devin, is off the trail nursing an injury. Hope to have him back soon. Small World introduced me to the term “rime” today, not the poetry kind, but as it relates to a natural occurrence very similar to frost. A very thick fog lingered overnight and when the temperature dropped, it froze and crystallized the fog, which then attached itself to every tree, bush, and plant in the forest. Made for a beautiful scene.
Rime frost
Great hiking with a female.
Small World and I arrived at Davenport Gap, the northern terminus of Great Smoky Mountains National Park. We planned to visit a place called Mountain Mama’s for cheeseburgers and I was sure I remembered the guidebook saying “left 2.5 miles” so I didn’t bother pulling it out and Small World just blindly trusted me.
After a mile or so walking and talking, we heard a truck coming up the road. “Great, a ride,” we thought. Our thumbs went up, the truck stopped, and a woman poked her head out the window and said in a sharp Southern-mountain twang, “Whar d’y'all think yer goin’?”
I, in my flat Midwestern tone, replied, “We’re hoping to get to Mountain Mama’s just up the road here.”
She said, “Mountain Mama’s? Well, yer plum goin’ the wrong way. Its on back that away 2 miles.” (Ugh) “I’m on my way to church, but I reckon it’d be my good deed fer the day to take you folks back there. Hop on in the back!”
Mountain Mama’s Kuntry Store:
“We haz Ice and Fire-wud.”
“Eat ice cream! It’s good and we need the money.”
A man with enormous lamb chops was attaching old license plates to a white trailer and washing it. A large multi-colored Totem pole stood outside. We went inside, I removed my warm gloves and hat, and proceeded to eat a huge double cheeseburger, a chili dog with the works, and two enormous scoops of ice cream. I was still hungry, but decided to catch a shower and find my bunk for the night.
Sleeping quarters are two very small shack-like structures with six bunks in each. I chose the baby blue “Hilton” over the pink “Honeymoon Suite,” joined by Small World, Big Bird, Aunt Marty, and Skydiver. Skydiver (about 60 years old) got his name by falling 9 feet out of a bunk at a place called the Blueberry Patch in Hiawassee, GA. He snagged a low bunk tonight.
Support your local economy – eat ice cream!
Aquaholic
April 13, 2009
Hey Aquaholic,
Today was a low mood day. Got a little bit of work done, but not much. Went for a walk in the afternoon. Played an evening soccer game. Came home and just relaxed.
April 12, 1997 (Day 24 – milepoint 218.5 – Tri-Corner Knob Shelter)
A profound thanks to Kathy and John for an enjoyable, kind, humbling, unexpected three days off the trail. My ride back to Newfound Gap in the morning, courtesy of Toronto Canadian Sharon (fellow UT grad student with Kathy) consisted of intelligent conversation and a banana. My welcome back to the trail consisted of rain.
I saw three people all day. Highlight of the day was Charlie’s Bunion: an exposed area of rock cliffs with an expansive view, which, as I stood there, was engulfed in continuously rising and falling clouds. At times, you couldn’t see ten feet away, but then a cloud would sweep away and you could see for 10 miles. It was magnificent!
The Tri-Corner Knob shelter is almost full. I made it in just before dark and was greeted warmly by thru-hikers Big Bird, Small World, and Yote. A few spoonfuls of crunchy peanut butter, a few slices of pepperoni, and I lay at the edge of comfortable numbness.
Aquaholic
April 12, 2009
Hey Aquaholic,
Today is Easter, the springtime fertility holiday, when we honor the resurrection of who is arguably the most compelling biblical character alive – the Easter Bunny…
The idea of the resurrection really struck me today. I feel like I am experiencing one in a way, like a part of me died and another part of me is coming back to life. I made sacrifices that resulted in the death of an important part of my identity, which I surrendered to and have been mourning for a while, and now I am accepting, starting to forgive and feel gratitude, and I am raising my inner awareness, waking up, and moving toward a new form of sustainable freedom…not the freedom you have hiking the AT in ‘97, but a freedom that honors the nature of my life today.
I am winning some battles and losing some, but my faith is returning bit by bit, and though I’m still carrying too much weight, this is a good path.
O’
