I’ve been working on a public speaking topic recently and I’m finding the idea of speaking in public both exciting and terrifying. Exciting because who wouldn’t want to hear what I have to say about what I think about while I’m walking about? Terrifying because what if the answer is no one? And what if that old recurring nightmare of ‘being on stage in front of an important audience to deliver a mind-altering masterpiece only to realize that I forgot to dress myself and have nothing of value to say‘ comes true?

But it’s just something I’m thinking about right now so I happen to be very well-dressed and properly prepared, and my audience is particularly ideal: smart, attentive, easily amused, and very attractive.

All is well, but still, I’m a little nervous, so I’m working on becoming more comfortable.

Doing a little research this morning I came across an old de-jitterbugging tactic. It suggests you imagine that your audience is naked and, therefore, more uncomfortable than you. So I give this a little projection and I start my speech and all is going well until I begin to realize a potential problem: a room full of naked people and my tendency toward A.D.D.

Now I say tendency because I only experience about 80% of the common symptoms of A.D.D. A psychologist friend recently informed me that if I exhibited the other 20% it would mean that I am also bipolar, but those PhD-types, always diagnosing and coming up with wacky stuff like that because they’d be jobless if everybody was normal like me.

Anyway, the great thing about A.D.D. is that it consistently directs your mind to the coolest and most interesting places, which can make for a very rich life experience. There’s another side of A.D.D., though, that can be less beneficial if hey did I mention that the people in my audience are really attractive? Women and men both: attractive, naked, intelligent and very much into what I have to say. Several approach me after my speech, in fact, to exchange contact information. Seems they want to join me for a hike sometime…then hang out and drink wine to, you know, take the conversation deeper and to learn more about what I think about. Pretty cool.

(I love you, too. All of you, I do.)

I should get back to working on that speech topic.