April, 10, 1997 (Day 22 – Off the Trail at Camp Koinonia, Tennessee)

I can’t write today, too much to process. Just sitting and thinking.

Aquaholic

April 10, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

In February, for the first time in my life, I applied for unemployment benefits. I’ve always held a certain amount of pride for not having to or not choosing to collect unemployment at other times in my life, but now I figure every little bit would help while I worked out what to do next.

So I applied and was accepted. Just over $400 a week after taxes. Nothing impressive considering our circumstances, but something. I received one week’s worth of benefits and then I received a letter in the mail from the state employment office saying that I had been disqualified from receiving benefits because, as my employer indicated on the form, I “did not meet job performance requirements.”

I appealed the ruling, went to a scheduled hearing last week, pleaded my case, and received a letter this morning saying I was again denied.

The job performance requirements in question were my sales goal of $$,$$$ per month and the standard of establishing X new contacts per week within a particular industry we were targeting. The last six months in 2008 were something of a challenge for closing new business. Regardless of the economy, we had to generate revenue to stay in business, just like everyone else. I generated the lion’s share of the sales we did close during that period, but I did not consistently reach my goals. I also could not confirm that I met my weekly contacts quota. And there you have the grounds for my disqualification of benefits.

I was at fault. That’s how it works.

So I spent most of the morning with a big lump in my throat. Then I went for a mountain bike ride and coughed it up. I feel better now.

O’

Purging a throat-lump on the climb through Apple Valley...

April 9, 1997 (Off-Trail visit to Camp Koinonia, Tennessee)

I woke to the sounds and smells of egg-battered bread and sizzling bacon. The only thing better than the hearing and the smelling was the tasting. As I stuffed myself, John shared their plans for me.

Kathy, a grad student at University of Tennessee in Therapeutic Recreation, has been at camp all week 100 miles west in Crossville, Tennessee. The camp, known as Camp Koinonia, for people with “severe disabilities,” is facilitated by 150 graduate and undergraduate students from UT. The 100 campers range in age from 6-22 and disabilities include mental retardation, muscular distrophy, spina bifida, cerebral palsy, deafness, blindness, autism, and various others worth mentioning. I had no idea I would be doing this, but I am completely open to the experience.

A ride was arranged and I traveled to camp with the wife of the camp director and Tory (a student in the class and UT football player). We arrived around lunch time and I’ve been made to feel very welcome here. I am free to explore camp and to watch and participate when I wish.

I went out in search of Kathy. As soon as I spotted a group of people wearing their clothes backward and singing alligator songs, I knew I had found her.

Camp activities include cooking, nature crafts, music and movement, horseback riding, outdoor education, canoeing, computers, sports and games, and overnight camping. Each student is assigned a camper and is responsible for that camper 24 hours a day. For some, that responsibility is HUGE! But all seem to be challenged.

They’re treating me like a part of the camp already so I’ve volunteered to help serve meals and clean up afterward. It’s been a good way to meet people and earn my keep. Best of all, they said I could eat as much as I want, so maybe I’ll gain back some of the 10 lbs I’ve lost since I started hiking.

After only a few hours, I’m already very affected by this place.

Aquaholic

April 9, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

There is a shift in consciousness happening. I’ve been feeling it for a while. A lot of people seem to be talking about making changes in their lives. I’m not the only one looking in the mirror and asking questions about my past, present, and future. I’m not the only one looking out at the world asking how I can make an authentic impact and affect positive change.

People are changing their expectations of themselves, their neighbors, and the global community. For almost a decade people have been running away from fear and the result is a planet loaded down with karmic weight. Under fear is not a sustainable way to exist.

The shift appears to be moving back toward a genuine pursuit of happiness. People seem to be more conscious of the laws of cause and effect. That we reap what we sow. That good begets good. People are more conscious about the sometimes harsh laws of nature and reality. That if we act with ignorance, even if we have good intentions, our path to happiness will be long and painful. The result is that more people – more than I have witnessed in a long time – are truly paying attention and making different choices.

It is no coincidence that our country recently elected a president whose message was “Vote for Change.” That message is summed up pretty well in this video:

Yes, our President is black. No, actually he is milano – black father, white mother. No, actually he is simply an American.

I’m still not heavy into politics but I think he is an amazing human being and we are very lucky to have him in that position. People are walking around now with a genuine sense of hope. The energy around the world has shifted from pessimism to optimism. From anger to exhilaration.

On that note, but in a local-here-and-now tone, I noticed a subtle change in me today. A sign that I am making some positive emotional progress. The boys and I made cookies this evening. Eight great big beautiful chocolate chip cookies!

When they came out of the oven, I did something I would not have done as recently as a week ago. I set aside two for my soon-to-be ex-wife.

O’

April 8, 1997 (Day 20 – milepoint 202.9 – Newfound Gap)

Got to walking a little before sunrise so I could make it to the highest point on the AT – Clingman’s Dome, elev 6643′ – and have it to myself for a little while before any tourists showed up. It worked out very well but the wind and cold on the tower forced me to eat my breakfast down below under the cover of the conifer forest. While I was eating, I suddenly realized that this was the place I visited when I was 10 and heard about the AT for the first time. Kinda neat.

I moved swiftly and comfortably through the morning and made it to the road crossing at Newfound Gap at mid-day. On the other side of the road I came upon a guy by the name of Scott Underwood, smiling and welcoming me with a healthy dose of trail magic, coolers full of pop and fresh fruit, which he sponsors along with two former thru-hikers White Pine and Jokers Wild. He had a scale (I’ve lost 10 lbs, better be careful) and a welcome sign that read “only 1,960 miles to go.”

We enjoyed a good chat and when I told him I was planning to hitch a ride to Gatlinburg to meet up with some friends for a couple of days, Scott offered to take me himself. Nice drive down the mountain to Gatlinburg and Scott even joined me for pizza and beer at the Smoky Mountain Brewery. Good food. Good drink. Good company. Checked into the Grand Prix Motel and called my good friends Kathy and John who live in Knoxville. Had to leave them a message but the phone in my room rang around 9:00 PM, it was John, he said he was on his way to pick me up and that I’ll be going to visit Kathy at camp tomorrow … Camp?

Aquaholic

April 8, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

I applied for a job today at Vail Resorts – Director of Online Marketing. I know you would wonder how the hell I evolved to be going after such a job, but my experience is applicable and I fit the criteria for the position. Realistically, though, it is a long shot considering the extremely deep pool of professional talent out there right now.

The key message here is that I’m going after opportunities that combine adventure travel with marketing. This is where many of my passions are and it feels like a sustainable path that could lead to a variety of interesting successes, opportunities, and new adventures.

I am properly pulling useful information from the center of my heart and moving it directly to the top of my mind. I am conscious of the connection wherever I go. I am noticing things I was not noticing before. Drawn to things I was not drawn to before.

I’m walking a good path.

The karmic weight continues to shed, little by little.

O’

April 7, 1997 (Day 19 – milepoint 192.1 – Double Spring Gap Shelter)

“Spring Forward”

The numbers in time mean little at all,
The concern is night and day.
I don’t even care which day it is
Or month – March, June, or May.

Life is simple on a wooded trail.
You walk, sleep, drink, and eat.
Looking forward to seeing the beautiful sights,
And the quirky people you’ll meet.

The best of it is time with Self,
You’ll learn a thing or two.
Don’t pinch yourself for dreaming,
It might be coming true.

-Aquaholic 4/7/97

April 7, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

Today I felt a shift in the energy I have toward my wife. I started to feel a stronger desire to focus on gratitude rather than my pain. Our connection was no accident. We’ve had many very good times together and we share a great love that will live far beyond our pain.

Gratitude is a better feeling than resentment. It’s healthier and much lighter to carry.

I don’t have much more to say about it yet. I just needed to open the door on the topic with you because it is now open in me, and I’m ready to start exercising it.

O’

April 6, 1997 (Day 18 – milepoint 178.6 – Spence Field Shelter)

Someone told me to set my watch forward this morning, so I did, and then I had a good laugh because it seemed like a waste of time. I’ve barely looked at it.

Ahh, sending my watch home… to lighten the load of time…

I was up and walking at sunrise, excited to enter Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Through rain and fog, purple lightning (yes purple lightening) added layers and mass to the misty morning shadows. That was a unique experience. The rain was actually very pleasant while walking uphill for six miles from Fontana Dam. Once I was certain the lightning had passed, I enjoyed a great view from the fire tower at the summit of Shuckstack Mountain. No question about why these are called the Smoky Mountains. A combination of low clouds, mist, and fog filled the air. So beautiful and alive.

As I approached Mollie’s Ridge Shelter (mile 173.5) for a lunch break, the smell of sausage filled the air. My entire body reacted to the scent and it was a struggle to hide the ravenous beast in me as I introduced myself to two very lively couples traveling the trail on horseback, all members of the Smoky Mountain Trail Riders Club. They fed me, but that is only one of the reasons I liked them so much. The men were boasting about the days when they used to chase women. Their wives just shook their heads and smiled. After a few minutes, one of them turned to me and said, “We let them talk all they want because we know better. Heck, our dogs chase cars all day long with no clue how to drive one…”

Stopped for the night at Spence Field Shelter. I actually have the shelter all to myself. This is rare. No complaints. Took a short nap when I arrived and woke up a little before dusk feeling woozy. I had to get up and walk around a bit before I finally realized it was those sausage patties. Nothing a trip to the privy couldn’t handle…

15.5 miles today felt very good. I’m really grooving, physically. I feel like my body has adjusted itself to trail life. I’m confident in my ability to survive and thrive out here. Hmm, 18 days. I wonder what other people are experiencing?

It is remarkable how efficiently the body processes everything you do to it when you’re moving eight to ten hours a day. Converting every usable calorie into energy and very quickly disposing of that which does not serve the effort. I wake up refreshed and energized each morning no matter how worn out I am the day before. Loving this feeling while still holding space for humility and respect.

The weather cleared and offered a very pink sunset. I would have to qualify this as one of the most peaceful evenings of my life.

Aquaholic

April 6, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

A friend asked me today about what it might be like to hike the AT with his son. I’ve often pondered the same question. Assuming either or both of my boys would want to do it, I think it would be an amazing experience.

You would have to consider several key factors. Every single hiker will be challenged physically, emotionally, and mentally. Guaranteed. You also have to consider time, money, and “whose idea is this anyway?”

Obviously, every person is different, as is every parent-child relationship, but here are a few thoughts.

The AT is a rigorous test of endurance for the first two months. Eases up for two months, then hammers you again for two months. It is difficult to imagine a person younger than 15 or 16 being able to sustain the mental challenge of a full thru-hike. It also seems to me that the physical pounding could be an issue if the child is still growing a lot. School schedules are an issue, too. That can be overcome by doing the trail in sections, such as two months at a time over three summers.

At any age, walking in the woods for six months will serve as an invaluable contemplative segue into the rest of one’s life. As a parent-child adventure, I would first look at two key time periods: post high school (18-ish) or post college (22-ish). Beyond that age, it really depends a lot on the parent’s state of health. I’ll be 51 when my younger son turns 18 – very doable.

Physically, the kids have the advantage of youth and invincibility, but younger hikers tend to push their boundaries further and take unnecessary risks. We adults have a more intimate awareness of our limits. What physical prowess we have lost over the years, we make up for in mental endurance and a painfully reduced ego.

The emotional factor is split. We adults should benefit from emotional maturity. But while the kids may not have as many emotional coping tools at their disposal, they may benefit by having fewer emotional triggers. Of course, this is all speculative.

I spent around $6,000-$7,000 on my hike in ’97. I could easily have spent less if I chose to. More was not an option at that time. Without having done any research into this, I would imagine spending $10,000-$12,000 in this day and age… per person. Could spend less or more depending…

I think the biggest factor to consider in regard to hiking the AT with your child is that he or she must have an intrinsic desire to go on this journey. You will both spend a lot of time alone with your own thoughts. Your inner voice must be supportive of where you are and what you are doing. In a way, you have to share a mutually selfish journey.

While I won’t try to push my kids into hiking the AT with me, they’ll know they won’t have to twist my rubber arms to go with them.

O’

April 5, 1997 (Day 17 – milepoint 162.1 – Fontana Dam Shelter)

First day off.

Met some folks from Furman College (South Carolina) who are here at Fontana Lake for a fraternity formal. They fed me a hamburger and Oreo cookies. Chatted with a cute girl and may have inspired her to hike the AT someday. Her date seemed less inspired…

Made a few phone calls. Took a nap. Not much else.

-Aquaholic

April 5, 2009,

Hey Aquaholic,

I’m not very inspired today.

O’

April 4, 1997 (Day 16 – milepoint 162.1 – Fontana Dam Shelter)

Today felt like a long day. As anxious as I am to get into the Great Smokey Mountains, the fatigue in my body speaks too loudly to ignore – I’m definitely taking tomorrow off.

When I got to the road that would take me to the Fontana Village post office, I put my thumb in the air and hitched a ride for the first time in my life. It actually worked! A nice couple from Maryland dropped me off at the Village, where I picked up my next cache of food and had lunch with Smiley and Breakaway in a small lodge-like cafe. Good food, poor service. But I prefer that to good service, poor food.

My thumb came through for me again as two Fontana Village Security Officers took me back to the trailhead so I could walk a couple hundred feet to the Fontana Dam Shelter.

-Aquaholic

April 4, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

Divorce sucks. It’s making me want to be divorced.

O’

April 3, 1997 (Day 15 – milepoint 156.6 – Cable Gap Shelter)

I spent a little extra time relaxing on Cheoah Bald this morning and got a slow start. The sunrise was not remarkable to look at, but the lack of a climax made waking up extra peaceful. Just me, my poptart, the open air, and a few bodily functions.

I was a little disappointed that I never saw those Russian Wild Boars. But not really.

Fourteen brutal miles today. I got worked! My “dogs” were barking all day long and went unconscious as I hobbled in for the final mile. Thankfully there is a nice stream here near the Cable Gap Shelter where I’ve been able to revive them a bit.

Good conversation at the shelter. Like most good conversations out here, it was quickly reduced to food and bodily functions.

The shelter is full and I’m too tired to put up my tent. That patch of dirt sure looks nice.

-Aquaholic

April 3, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

You’re not going to understand this right away, but when I turned 30 and our first son was born, I went and got a job selling advertising at a newspaper. It was “just a temporary job with benefits” at first, but it didn’t take me long to find something to love about it. Aside from working with some great people, I was responsible for a geographic territory of more than 50 businesses. As I got to know the different business owners, I was fascinated by what made one succeed and another struggle. Good, smart people succeeded and failed. Ignorant buffoons succeeded and failed.

I fell in love with and found my own entrepreneurial spirit. I pursued different opportunities in the marketing world for a variety of reasons, but always to learn more about the motives of people and their behaviors. And to learn more about myself.

I took risks. I pushed boundaries. I succeeded and failed. I learned constantly!

When I lost my job in January, it felt like the universe said, “okay, time to take a short break, get your bearings, breathe a little… we’ll bring you back after these important messages…”

It’s April 2nd and the past couple of months have been one constant enlightening commercial. I’m starting to find some clarity in regard to realigning myself professionally. One of the things I felt I had to question when I lost my job was, “Am I completely off track? Is marketing and the Internet and social media and creative development where I belong?”

I was considering this question a lot in the first days of my unemployment and it was in my head when I took a day to go skiing at Vail in January. As soon as I arrived, I connected with a couple of guys from the East Coast (my age late 30′s) and we skied together all morning. I enjoy meeting strangers on ski lifts because you’re “stuck” with each other for 10-15 minutes and the energy is always positive. More often than not, you exit the lift no longer strangers, feeling better than you did when you got on. My morning at Vail with these two guys was like that. We skied hard and on the lift we talked about life-changing events, about personal values, about being men, and about the balance between our personal and professional lives. We even got into food and bodily functions.

Interestingly, we talked about aligning with life purpose, a timely topic for me. One of the guys referred to an interview he heard where a famous plastic surgeon discussed why he is so effective at making the face of a 60 year-old woman look 30. The surgeon said that, as a rule, he never moves anything more than two millimeters. Just subtle adjustments to accentuate the desirable features and diminish the undesirable.

In truth, most people are only a few minor adjustments away from a desirable transformation.

After beating myself up about my failures for so long, I have been shifting my focus to what I’m doing well and want to accentuate. I embrace that every professional experience I’ve chosen to pursue over the past twelve years has equipped me with the tools I need to get me where I want to go, not where I need to go, where I want to go. Every minute, an asset.

(This is true for me personally, too, but that is for a different day’s entry).

I was drawn to marketing for a reason and my expanding interest in marketing on the Internet was no accident. Internet Marketing provides a landscape for unlimited creativity and it has become inherently interactive. I have made use of it all, and I have found meaning in it.

These past two months have consisted of a series of minor adjustments. More are in order, but I am clearing the clutter and unloading weight.

O’

April 2, 1997 (Day 14 – milepoint 142.5 – Cheoah Bald)

I’ve heard stories about psychological, emotional, and/or physical breakthroughs that significantly change people’s lives out here. One girl said she cried uncontrollably every day for the first three weeks of her hike. She said that being forced to slow down so much, coupled with the simplicity of trail life, enabled her to release a lot of built-up emotional stress. Another fella went from over 300 lbs at the start of his hike and cut his weight in half by the time he finished, ending at 150 lbs. It completely changed his life and he has been able to keep the weight off for years. That’s a big deal.

After two weeks, I feel normal. I began this trip with no emotional, physical, or financial baggage. I feel very good about being here. It seems like a logical conclusion to just continue to enjoy myself all the way to Maine and remain open to what comes up along the way.

Uphill all the way out of the Nantahala river valley, a little more than 8 miles. I left after 4:00 PM and walked the last hour and a half after dark. There was a plaque on the trail today that read: On December 7, 1968, 783 feet southwest from this point, Wade A Sutton, North Carolina Forest Ranger, gave his life suppressing a forest fire that you might fully enjoy your hike along this trail. Thanks, Wade.

Made a quick stop at Sassafras Gap Shelter where Bulldog, Smiley, and Lopey Lobo warned me about the 6-8 Russian wild boars they saw an hour before. Huh? Wild boars? Great!

Smooth sailing anyway and I’m safe and sound here atop Cheoah Bald. Looking forward to the view in the morning.

-Aquaholic

April 2, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

Forgive me. I’m tired. Chat tomorrow.

O’

April 1, 1997 (Day 13 – milepoint 134.4 – Nantahala Outdoor Center)

Today’s destination was the Nantahala Outdoor Center, which sits on the banks of the Nantahala River, one of the most popular whitewater rafting destinations in the East. The 5.5 mile downhill to the river was steep and treacherous. I crossed the road to the main lodge and, much to my surprise, there stood Roaming Gnome. He had hitched a ride from the town of Hiawassee a couple of days ago when his knee started feeling better. Turns out he had tendinitis, but it’s strong now and he’s ready to cover some miles.

This is my first visit to NOC. I expected a bit of a circus but found it to be a very nice place and have encountered only friendly, helpful folks. I didn’t like spending $16.00 for lunch, though. Won’t make that mistake again.

Caught a shower and relaxed all afternoon next to the river. Starting to think it would be worth taking tomorrow off for a chance to get in a kayak.

Sleeping in a bunkhouse with Roaming Gnome, Void, and Bulldog.

Called home and suckered Mom on yet another April Fool’s Day, told her I broke my ankle. Felt a little guilty when she started crying. She’s been falling hook line and sinker for 20 years now. Time to start planning for next year.

-Aquaholic

April 1, 2009

Hey Aquaholic,

The fact that I’ve always wanted to share our AT experience with people is important, but secondary to the purpose of this internet journal. Indeed, thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail is a unique and remarkable thing to do, and our story is a good one.

But there exists a fair amount of turmoil in this day and age, certainly for me, but also around the world. I’ve been forced to look in the mirror and do something to correct my own turmoil. If I virtually relived our AT hike, the anecdotal perspective might help me realize some level of clarity so I can eliminate all of the energetic weight I have built up around me. Recently, however, it has occurred to me that this might perhaps serve others.

That said, my own turmoil is the focus at this early stage. After eight years of marriage, my wife and I are divorcing and I unexpectedly lost my job in January. I was in no man’s land for a while with an uncertain future and two precious children for whom I am responsible. I needed to shift my energy. I needed to change my mind and become more aware of how I was choosing to live and work.

I got started and I struggled for the first ten days with how to communicate my thoughts and feelings of the present day. I hadn’t really identified who my audience was so I wasn’t clear about my boundaries or how to serve anyone, including myself. This thing is pretty personal. I’m totally exposed. I need to trust my audience.

Then, after a long walk-n-talk with Johnny over the weekend, he helped me find my audience right under my nose.

And here we are: you and me. Pretty simple.

O’