March 21, 1997 (Day 2 – milepoint 11.6 – Coopers Gap)

Up with the sun after a restless sleep in the shelter. A couple of mice were scurrying around all night near my head looking for food, which forced me to sit up a couple of times. But that brought to my attention the forest glowing brightly in the moonlight. So as frustrated as I was with the mice, I suppose I had to thank them for the scene I would not have otherwise enjoyed. Quick breakfast and hit the trail with moleskin on already blistered heels. (Note: when breaking in boots before a long backpacking trip, wear a full backpack from time to time.) I made a stop at Long Creek Falls for a bath. Nice little water fall with a good sized pool below. The water was humiliatingly cold but refreshing.

Back on the path and joined Mr. Mingo for the rest of the day. Excellent human being. I asked him about his trail name: “Mr. Mingo,” he said, “is the name of an obscure song by an obscure band.” I was told of trail names before my hike and learned that very few hikers, if any, make it very long without either creating one for themselves or earning one from others. I’ve been wondering if it might be smart to come up with a trail name for myself before someone notices my body odor or some other appalling characteristic…

As we walked on, Mr. Mingo brought up the subject of cloning and we talked about it. We talked about other random things that came up and we talked about how good it will be to detach from society for 6 months. Of course, neither of us have any idea what that means at this point. We made camp at Coopers Gap (mile 11.6). Saw two other people all day. Physically, mentally, emotionally – feeling pretty good. Feeling pain – hips and feet mostly – but it is tolerable so far. It was a sunny 60 degree day and I spent it in good company, so no complaints.

Joe

March 21, 2009

A week after I lost my job in January, I was still pretty shaken up. I sat in front of my computer working on my resume and searching for jobs online – not something I’ve ever really had to do. Though my resume was looking pretty marketable, the job search was disheartening. And I was miserable – not a feeling I’ve had much experience with in my life.

For me, the problem wasn’t that the economy had made quality job opportunities sparse, it was the very fact that I was job hunting. “What the hell have I been doing with my life? What kind of man am I?” I felt stripped of my power, no longer in control of my own destiny. Add into the mix my wife’s general anxiety and displeasure, and my ability to focus productively was just deteriorating.

For her sanity, my wife needed me to find a job yesterday. She didn’t care what I did as long as it yielded as large a paycheck as possible. By contrast, my anxiety level went up when I considered the idea of actually finding a job right then. That would surely have sent me into oblivion.

It was not consistent with the message the universe was sending, which felt something like, “If, again, you ignore your inner voice for an unconscious paycheck, I will again knock you on your ass, but into a hole even deeper than this one. Wake up, then look inside. Listen. Feel… Pay attention… Trust… Set yourself on your path. YOUR path…”

I closed my computer, went to my car, drove west 30 minutes up Boulder Canyon, and went skiing alone for the rest of the day.

The result was a bunch of tears, relief, renewed energy, openness and, among a few other interesting things, EnlightenTheLoad.com.

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March 20, 1997 (Day 1 – Springer Mountain – A.T. milepoint 2.5)

After a week at home with the folks making final preparations, Dad and I drove down to Dalton, GA yesterday and stayed the night in a tiny hotel. Big ceremonial breakfast this AM and made the hour+ drive to Amicalola Falls State Park arriving at 10:30 a.m. I registered at the visitor center and weighed my pack – 54 lbs – ouch. That’s gonna hurt. (I swear under my breath and Dad’s not shy about laughing out loud.) Ran into another potential thru-hiker, Jeff, who flew in yesterday from London and was on his way to getting started a little later in the day. A couple of pics, a big hug and thank you to Dad, and I disappeared into the bare forest on the 7 mile approach trail to the southern terminus of the AT – Springer Mountain.

The approach trail was not terribly difficult, but it was no “walk in the park” either with 50+ lbs on my back! The first people I saw were a group of about 10 day hikers. All in great shape and smiling. I don’t think any of them were under 65 years old, but energetically they were like a bunch of 20-somethings. They offered brownies. I offered cookies. I was feeling a little lighter.

At around 2:45 PM, I arrived atop Springer Mountain, Elev 3730′. Relaxed for a while enjoying the view to the west of a superb, clear, sunny 65-70 degree day. A bite to eat, a ceremonial photo, a hello to thru-hikers Luna (from central Canada) and Kurt (from North Carolina), and I officially started walking to Maine. Destination for the evening was Stover Creek Shelter at mile 2.5, mostly downhill from Springer into a rhododendron and hemlock-filled forest. I am joined at the shelter by brothers, Fiddlehead and Bulldog, from PA. Another hiker, Mr. Mingo from Boston, is tenting nearby and there are four chatty college girls from OH in tents down by the creek. I can tell already that my relationship with food over the next six months will be both passionate and violent.
-Joe

March 20, 2009 – Boulder, CO

After dropping my 8-year-old off at the bus today, I made a quick stop for coffee and went for a walk. I was feeling a little overwhelmed by the weight I’ve been carrying, and struggling with a crappy idea that I’m somehow failing my children.

My marriage is ending. I have problems to solve and I need to cope. I need to act even when I feel defeated and powerless. How the hell do I walk through all of this terrain with integrity?

In other experiences I’ve learned that the quality of my coping is often related to how I label my circumstances. Until today, I’ve been associating divorce with failure, and I’ve been suffering. But today I considered the idea of divorce as a remedy.

remedy |ˈremədē|
noun

• a medicine or treatment for a disease or injury

• a means of counteracting or eliminating something undesirable

verb

• to set right (an undesirable situation)

How about that? As a remedy, the process of divorce can set right an undesirable situation. It is a path to healing.

This is an early stage idea for me, but it gave me feelings of relief and okayness that I haven’t been able to access for some time.

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March 19, 2009: Twelve years ago today, I sat in a tiny hotel room in Georgia preparing for a long walk to Maine. Page one of my journal was open and blank and hungry for acknowledgement. Here is my first of almost 200 entries.

March 19, 1997

My first memory of the AT goes back to when I was about ten years old. Our family vacation that year took us to Gatlinburg, Tennessee and Great Smoky Mountain National Park. We spent a day up in the national park and were enjoying the view from a lookout tower (Clingman’s Dome) when a footpath below was brought to my attention.

“Hey Dad, what’s the Appalachian Trail?” I asked.
“It’s a backpacking trail, 2,000 miles long,” he told me.
“Oh, where does it go?”
“Well, if you go that way (as he pointed to the left) it will take you to Georgia. And if you go that way (pointing to the right) you can go all the way to Maine.”
“Oh … Maine’s pretty far away, isn’t it? How long does it take?”
“It borders Canada. Would take months I’d imagine.”
“Oh … Can we go back to the hotel and go swimming?…”

The next time I heard of the AT was about two years ago and the decision to thru-hike came a year later. Up to this point in my life, the longest amount of time I’ve spent away from “civilization” is twenty-four days (in the Grand Canyon), but my longest backpacking trip has been only four days (in southwestern Virginia). So I am no backpacking veteran.

As of today, March 19th (1997), there is no real deep purpose or motive for traveling the AT. I’m intrigued by the adventure, freedom, and challenge it has to offer. And I anticipate making new friends and having some unique experiences. But what do I have to gain? I honestly don’t know. Maybe I’ll come away a little less confused about my personal and professional future. Or maybe it’ll give me the time to further develop my writing, which I’ve been steadily pecking away at in various forms for several years. Or maybe I’ll decide to continue my thru-hike around the world. Again, I really don’t know.

What I do know is that I’m happy with my decision to give it a shot and I look forward to a full day of reflection on top of Mount Katahdin in Maine this fall.

March 19, 2009

I remember during my trip how many times I heard people say to me, “Wow, I wish I could take six months off…it’s great you’re doing it now while you can.”

I remember thinking and even telling many folks, “You can anytime if you really want to. If you really and truly want it, nothing should stop you.”

I still believe that, but I understand now, in a way I didn’t then, how easy it is to let “life” get in the way of your dreams. I let that happen to me. I lost my way. It started when I made a connection with a woman and we started a family. I am by no means blaming “married with children” for the fact that I lost my way – I’m thumb-pointing here, not finger-pointing.

I blame my unconscious choices.

And while I see plenty of mistakes looking back, not all are regrettable… many were driven by virtue and boy o’ boy do I have two great kids.

But I set my independence aside and replaced my values of simplicity and freedom with “matters of consequence” (read The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry). I had a wife. We had children. We were living in the “real world” and needed to establish security and stability. I pursued a career in marketing. I was “growing up” and being responsible.

That can really work, I think, for people who dream of a career in marketing, but I dreamed of being a writer and the champion of my own great ideas and inspiring stories that make people say, “Holy Sh!t that’s interesting.”

So although we have two healthy and happy children, and although I have accomplished a lot over the years, I have struggled to maintain financial security and stability. The subsequent stress has left my wife unhappy in the marriage. To the point that she is done, a reality that was inconceivable to me until it hit me over the head like a ten-ton wrecking ball. Professional-alignment challenges and national economic uncertainty just add to the debacle. And though much of the world is in turmoil and there are a lot of people going through similar challenges, I have no one to blame for my reality but me.

So I’m going to start taking my own advice by getting my sorry ass and troubled mind back into the woods on a much more regular basis.

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